Instead, he suggested saying, “I’m so sorry this happened and I’m here.” Offering to get coffee together or go on a walk during lunch may also be helpful. “ may be true, but they send the message of ‘I don’t really want to get into it,’” he said. When a friend or coworker experiences a loss, don’t assume you know how the person feels, Mordecai said, and avoid phrases like, “I’m sure it’s going to get better” or “It takes time, but you’ll be fine.” “I tell moms who I meet along this journey, if possible, go to counseling.” “You can talk to other moms who know where you are coming from with no judgment,” she said. Kate credits group therapy as a critical support in her grieving process. “We were all confused, and as the mom, I had to care for my children and me,” she said. However, she noted that her marriage of 20 years suffered after Nnamdi’s death and that it wasn’t always easy balancing her own grief with that of her children’s. (Their tight bond is well known among NBA fans after Kate teared up in a television interview when Onyeka was drafted to the Hawks in 2020.) She spends at least one week a month in Atlanta watching him play. For Kate and her children, the tragedy brought them closer and strengthened the relationship between her and Onyeka. The level of support within the family can also make a difference. If it’s a sudden, tragic death, as in this case, that can make a difference for the child who’s trying to make sense of this,” said Mordecai. “If there is a chronic illness, there might be more time to prepare. The circumstance of a death may also affect how a child grieves. As they get older, they tend to have a clearer understanding,” he said. “Children at different ages have different understandings of what death is and whether it’s a permanent state or not. Don Mordecai, national leader for mental health and wellness at Kaiser Permanente. “The different reactions of Kate’s children are not unusual,” said Dr. “I found out she wasn’t talking in school, and so I had to put her in therapy, which continues now,” said Kate.
While Onyeka found his way to grieve, Kate said it took her then 10-year-old son a while to truly understand what happened to his oldest brother and that her 6-year-old daughter blocked out the tragedy. I think he found Nnamdi there by the basketball court,” said Kate. He would take his ball and go to the park. “They were close, and it was a very, very hard time for him.
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